Stop Banning Pit Bulls

By sarajean on 4/30/10 8:49am
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Lately I’ve been seeing quite a few people on my friends list sporting support statuses for pit bull dogs. Most of them are doing it through the “Trying to Get 1 Million Strong AGAINST the Ban on Pitbulls” Fan Page. The page cites a concern for the population of homeless pit bulls, and that the public remains uneducated about the dogs in general.

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Interview with Esquire

By mous on 2/8/09 10:41am
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Sunday, February 8th
3:30pm

Dear Diary,

Had a successful interview with Esquire magazine. Got to finally say my piece on a lot of issues, from the VP candidacy with John McCain to the campaign advisors and that whole debacle, and the media’s twisted portrayal of me. Not t mention, I’m sure I won a few hearts over explaining why I hunt and fish (for the good of my family, of course!), and talking about how I came up with the name Bristol. Sure I may have fudged it a bit with the talk about loving ESPN, which is based out of Bristol, CT, but I’m sure people will love reading about how much I love sports. And I had to win over all the musicians with my bit about all the flutes and trombones lying around the house. It’s not exactly true (we only had one of each instrument and we’d rented it), but that’s besides the point.

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Considering Reorganizing My Staff

By mous on 2/6/09 12:48am
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Friday, February 6th
12:55pm

Dear Diary,

With all this Democratic “change” mumbo-jumbo, I’m considering doing a little change of my own. Of course, I’ll have to come up with a new word so it doesn’t sound like I’m just copying those liberal. Maybe reorganization? Sounds pretty elitist, but I’ll come up with something.

Anyway, after googling myself as I often like to do, I found a blog criticizing an op-ed I sent to the Minneapolis Star Tribune to urge people to start oil drilling in Alaska. Of course this guy wanted to know why I didn’t publish it in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal. It’s ‘cause I’m not about to bend over backwards for these liberal newspapers that I don’t even care to read anyway! Give me Cosmo or US Magazine any day, which I've now started reading since that awful Katie Couric interview. Anyway, I’m not blaming my political advisors. Their job is to… is to advise me. And they’re doing a pretty good job. But I did like the way those SarahPAC people think.

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Wolves Aren't So Great

By mous on 2/5/09 11:12am
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Thursday, February 5th
3:20pm

Dear Diary,

Am outraged at this Ashley Judd for all this negative publicity she’s creating around me. Who does she think she is with this youtube video? Everyone knows that we need to be able to kill wolves, elk, and other wild animals from helicopters. Well, at least everyone from the best state in the union knows this! Plus, they can’t judge us until they’ve tried it. And I guarantee, if Ashley Judd and all her cronies with the Defenders Action Fund get in a helicopter with a gun, they’ll be shooting those elk before you know it.

Leave it to those liberal-elite Hollywood celebrities to stir up some ruckus. “Scientists” say there’s no scientific evidence for us controlling the population this way. But I know in my heart and in my gut that this is right. And it doesn’t need scientific evidence.

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SarahPAC

By mous on 1/27/09 1:48am
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Tuesday, January 27th
3:24pm

Dear Diary,

I’ve finally got the media attention on this new website called “SarahPAC.” It’s this great new website that once again puts me on the forefront of national television, AND (more importantly) begins the serious talk about my 2012 campaign for presidency. Of course, I didn’t come up with the idea, and didn’t formally authorize it either. And the organization is based in Arlington, VA – something I hope no one picks up on it…

Anyway, my favorite part of the website is the picture of the United States, and it has Alaska on the inside. Once president, I’ll have to look into a way to see if we can get another state to be shaped like Alaska….

Love yah!
Sarah

Originally posted in The Secret Diary of Sarah Palin

Miss WASILLA, But America Works Too

By mous on 1/26/09 2:05pm
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Monday, January 26th
1:05pm

Dear Diary,

Am feeling fully rested after a long overdue 14 hour sleep. Ya know, a lot of people ask me how I stay looking so young and beautiful. Well, first I have to thank the Lord for my good looks. Then I just tell ‘em that I sleep away my wrinkles and age lines. Just a good 12 to 14 hours of sleep is all anyone needs to look their best, that’s what I always say.

Speaking of looking my best, I heard that I was mentioned in a question at the Miss America pageant last Saturday. But they got my pageant wrong! Everybody knows that I was Miss Wasilla, but they actually thought I was part of the Miss America beauty pageant? I’ll admit I’m honored that people assumed I came so far. And as proud as I am to have been Miss Wasilla, I’m certainly not going to refute those stories. They’re just good press!

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Clothing Scandal...Still?!

By mous on 1/23/09 7:27pm
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Friday, January 23, 2009
3:15pm

Dear Diary,

Outraged at recent liberal elite blog reports that I allegedly stuffed all my campaign clothes into plastic bags at the Republican National Convention headquarters in Washington, D.C. I would never do that! Who in their right mind would waste all those beautiful clothes by just putting them in trash bags to sit around unworn. Besides, I certainly wouldn’t be saving them for me. I plan to get a whole new wardrobe when it comes time to campaign for my presidency.

I  still can’t even believe the double-standard. All those Democrat cronies were allowed to spend Democrat dollars to buy their clothes. I should have been allowed to as well! I did make a speech talking about how the clothes weren’t mine and that they would get returned.

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Problems with Levi

By mous on 1/22/09 2:13pm
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Thursday, January 22nd
2:45pm

Dear Diary,

I do not know what I’m going to do with that Levi. He says he’s planning on marrying Bristol, but I haven’t seen any engagement rings yet. I’m trying to hint that this needs to happen as soon as possible without seeming like the pushy mother-in-law. Still, it would not look good to the grandmother of a child born out of wedlock, and so I have to make sure that Levi is locked into marriage.

He’s already dropped out of high school AND quit the job I got for him. Pretty ungracious if you ask me, but I’m trying to put a good face on the situation with the media. I think Bristol is a little too understanding about all this… I will have to sit down and have a very persuasive talk with her. We Palins just won’t tolerate that kind of wishy-washy behavior…

Love yah!
Sarah

Originally posted in The Secret Diary of Sarah Palin

Inauguration Hilarity

By mous on 1/21/09 1:39pm
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Wednesday, January 21st
1:00pm

Dear Diary,

Still laughing about Obama’s slip-up during his oath yesterday. He may have tried to make Chief Justice John Roberts look bad, but Obama just ended up looking like an idiot. Just makes ya wonder if he’s actually qualified, since he can’t even repeat a couple sentences...

I think that most people would agree that the inauguration was on way too early yesterday morning. If it was my inauguration, I would have scheduled it for much later in the day. As it was, I had to watch that slip-up on youtube, since it would have been on from 7 to 8am. No one I know has ever been up at that ungodly hour. Beauty sleep means a little more around here, and
maybe that’s why Alaskans are so good-lookin’…

Love yah!
Sarah

Originally posted in The Secret Diary of Sarah Palin

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Inauguration Day (shoulda been me)

By mous on 1/20/09 7:15am
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Tuesday, January 20th
12:10pm

Dear Diary,

Just heard that Barack Obama has officially been inaugurated. Ya know, he may have gotten elected, but if I wasn’t stuck with that geezer McCain, it coulda been me up there. I don’t want people to think I’m a sore loser, but let’s be honest. If it was just me on that Republican ticket, I wouldn’t have been dragged down by John. And then it would be my inauguration.

Well, it’s just a matter of time until people start to realize their big mistake, doncha know. With those unpatriotic socialists ruining Washington, people are going to realize that they need someone who’s really outside Washington to come in and fix everything up. Which is when I step back into the picture. After all, Palin 2012 is only three years away – and only two until I should start campaigning again. Of course, I need to stay in the national spotlight so I retain all my fans. But it shouldn’t be hard. Just a couple more videos and I’ll be set. Haven’t thought about my running mate, but I’m sure anyone will help me get elected.

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