February 2009

  • Interview with Esquire

    By mous on 2/8/09 10:41am
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    Sunday, February 8th
    3:30pm

    Dear Diary,

    Had a successful interview with Esquire magazine. Got to finally say my piece on a lot of issues, from the VP candidacy with John McCain to the campaign advisors and that whole debacle, and the media’s twisted portrayal of me. Not t mention, I’m sure I won a few hearts over explaining why I hunt and fish (for the good of my family, of course!), and talking about how I came up with the name Bristol. Sure I may have fudged it a bit with the talk about loving ESPN, which is based out of Bristol, CT, but I’m sure people will love reading about how much I love sports. And I had to win over all the musicians with my bit about all the flutes and trombones lying around the house. It’s not exactly true (we only had one of each instrument and we’d rented it), but that’s besides the point.

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  • Considering Reorganizing My Staff

    By mous on 2/6/09 12:48am
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    Friday, February 6th
    12:55pm

    Dear Diary,

    With all this Democratic “change” mumbo-jumbo, I’m considering doing a little change of my own. Of course, I’ll have to come up with a new word so it doesn’t sound like I’m just copying those liberal. Maybe reorganization? Sounds pretty elitist, but I’ll come up with something.

    Anyway, after googling myself as I often like to do, I found a blog criticizing an op-ed I sent to the Minneapolis Star Tribune to urge people to start oil drilling in Alaska. Of course this guy wanted to know why I didn’t publish it in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal. It’s ‘cause I’m not about to bend over backwards for these liberal newspapers that I don’t even care to read anyway! Give me Cosmo or US Magazine any day, which I've now started reading since that awful Katie Couric interview. Anyway, I’m not blaming my political advisors. Their job is to… is to advise me. And they’re doing a pretty good job. But I did like the way those SarahPAC people think.

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  • Wolves Aren't So Great

    By mous on 2/5/09 11:12am
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    Thursday, February 5th
    3:20pm

    Dear Diary,

    Am outraged at this Ashley Judd for all this negative publicity she’s creating around me. Who does she think she is with this youtube video? Everyone knows that we need to be able to kill wolves, elk, and other wild animals from helicopters. Well, at least everyone from the best state in the union knows this! Plus, they can’t judge us until they’ve tried it. And I guarantee, if Ashley Judd and all her cronies with the Defenders Action Fund get in a helicopter with a gun, they’ll be shooting those elk before you know it.

    Leave it to those liberal-elite Hollywood celebrities to stir up some ruckus. “Scientists” say there’s no scientific evidence for us controlling the population this way. But I know in my heart and in my gut that this is right. And it doesn’t need scientific evidence.

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