Sunday, October 26th

7:39PM

Dear Diary,

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Saturday, October 25th
9:02PM

Dear Diary,

Am apparently going rogue! Didn’t think simple actions like ignoring bad advice given by former Bush aides—and, honestly, former Bush aides? Entire country knows Bush was terrible choice. Am simply doing what I can to not be associated with current president.—would be such a big deal, but have been informed by liberal media elites that there is dangerous split between John and me.

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Friday, October 24th

10:08PM

Dear Diary,

Uproar over amount spent on make-up artist. Find this unfair as is accepted truth that significant percentage of electorate is swayed by attractive appearance and status of VPILF. Do these men think beauty is free?

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Thursday, October 23rd

10:01PM

Dear Diary,

Spent hours today trying to convince campaign manager that am not secretly Democrat masterminding clever scheme to undermine McCain campaign. Initial argument that would not be on Republican ticket if was not Republican apparently not good enough, so have made list.

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Tuesday, October 20th

11:23AM

Dear Diary,

Came across article with suggestions for life plans after Nov. 4. While disliked insinuations that McCain-Palin ticket not infallible, decided to evaluate possible options. After all, always important to have back-up plan, like adoption if not possible to keep baby in family.

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Sunday, October 19th

9:37PM

Dear Diary,

After seeing popularity of Tina’s fake press conference, campaign manager apparently considering allowing me to host real press conference of my own. Have been given list of possible questions and updated list of word and phrase quotas to be met. Spent day scripting eloquent answers to questions of national importance.

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Saturday, October 18th
11:58PM

Dear Diary,

Saturday Night Live show a success! Showed that Fey woman how to do real comedy when interrupted her fake press conference. Ha. So unrealistic. As if I would ever hold press conference. SNL completely losing touch with reality.

On show, liberal elite Baldwin brother mistook me for Tina, but made up for derogatory comments by compliment on attract

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Wednesday, October 15th
4:23PM

Dear Diary,

Have just received new quotas for use in future speeches.  Effective immediately:

"Maverick"- 5 per speech
"Terrorist"- 7 per speech
"Bill Ayers"- 2 per speech
"Washington outsider"- 3 per speech
"Wasilla Main Street"- 2 per speech
"Joe Six Pack"- 1 per speech
"Hockey mom"- 2 per speech
"Who is the real Barack Obama?"- 3 per speech

Under no circumstances am allowed to discuss foreign policy (specifically Putin and Russia), Bridge to Nowhere, state trooper incident, Yahoo e-mail accounts, or educational background. When John dropped off list of speech dos and don’ts, was also instructed to watch tonight’s debate closely and “just copy whatever I say and do.

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Tuesday, October 14th

10:29PM

Dear Diary,

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Monday, October 13th
8:47PM

Dear Diary,

Spent day reading poll results and evaluating chances of making it into White House. In case of failure on Nov.

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